From a Weird Place...

These blog entries have inspired me to live a more full life and as a result I've been giving my life the greatest attention. In a way I have kick started my imagination back into overdrive. I can barely find the time to eat but I'm still determined to see this blog through to the end...wherever that might be. I've been "standing on my own two feet" so to speak (words of wisdom from this guy) and letting creativity guide my actions everyday. I must say, it's a very interesting ride so far and I don't think I want to get off. Some of my off the wall ideas have proven to be dead end ends but I trust that I may be ahead of my time with some of my more frivolous desires for this world. I think a little patience will go a long way, even though that's not one of my strong points. I get bored easily...sigh. I'm still learning to take things slowly.

Anyway, I've been giving my future an awful lot of deep thought over the past few weeks and the same scenes keep playing over and over in my head. Maybe it's time to let these little guys out into the world to see what they can do. This idea is a little more realistic than my previous Experience Project. I still want to see that succeed because i think people have become way too reliant on the convenience of money for getting what they want or need. My new idea is a charitable project that I hope to see come to life by the Spring of 2012. I strongly believe it could materialize before then, but when you're working with other people you have to accept that not everything will be under your direct control. So, realistically speaking, Spring '12 should be enough time to make this happen. What is it you ask? Hmmm... guess you'll have to stick around to find out. All I'm going to say for now is that it's family oriented and it's ...colorful lol. Thanks for sticking around. See you soon :)

Something Great Happened Because I Expected It

If you think life is being unfair, try doing something out of the ordinary to move yourself in a positive direction toward your true happiness.

Doing something different

Today, I did something I've never done before. I submitted an article as a guest post to Self Empowerment Magazine. In the past, I would practice modesty and was always afraid that my work wasn't good enough to ever be featured. I hid my work behind empty feelings that held me back from what I knew I deserved. I think in some way, I just wasn't ready for it or I would have been putting my work out on the table long before now.

Feeling something different

Today, however, I did something a little differently. I can tell you that this was no simple task. I typed up the article, spell checked at least a dozen times, and then I stared at it for about 30 minutes while I decided whether or not to press the send button. The keys on my keyboard glistened in sweat, but this time the fear came from a  different place. It was actually more of a strange, 'I feel out of place' kind of feeling more than just fear. I felt empowered and I received more than what I expected. 

Getting something different

I felt in my soul that this was to be a part of my path to happiness and I just let go. I submitted the article and stopped thinking about it. I felt sincere about allowing the universe to fulfill my desire and it happened in a way I never thought possible. I submitted the article hoping for a simple listing, but it turned out the site owner wants me to write regularly as a featured author! That was the most awesome news of the day and I'm convinced that you get exactly what you expect out of life. You just have to take the first step and allow the change to come to you. 

You can read my first article as a featured author here on Self Empowerment Magazine. 

What did you do today to move your live in a positive direction? Share you thoughts below. Subscribe to comments in order to follow this discussion.                                       

You Can Choose to Live Without Being Judged

The Past
Pretty good at nothing. I was a runner. At best I was an alcoholic as a teenager. Remember how somethings just felt like the thing to do? I made up for what I lacked in self esteem with booze, sex, and an uncanny ability to make myself numb. Brown skin plagued me and led me to believe there was a certain way I should behave because of it. How I wished I could shed that skin. Excellent student though. Perfect grades in grade school and middle. Would you have given up so late in the game as I did? I only had one teeny tiny semester left in high school. I didn't make it. I felt way to watched and way too judged. It was way too much to bear. Oh well. I did get my GED. Do you think that counts? I did it for my son. He didn't care. He wasn't born. Nothing was for me. It was all for you and your judgements. Are you happy now? Will you ever be happy?

The Future
I manage to make my true self happy after all. My kids never care that I graduated. In fact, no one cares. No one can see my flaws. I feel flawless and invincible. I help everyone I am able to help. I float through life gracefully and effortlessly. I don't need anything I don't already have. I can feel my true power shining through my physical being. I know where I am and could care less about where I've been or where I'm going next.

The Present
My kids don't care about my choice to quit high school. In fact, I don't think anyone cares. And anyone who does care, does not deserve my attention. So what did I learn about quiting high school? I don't need any school to tell me how to live. I don't need school to be able to help others. And what did I learn about using alcohol? I don't need alcohol to solve my insecurity issues because there are none. How do I know? My future tells me so. My chosen path decides for me. I am a strong willed being who lives outside of society rules, labels, judgements, time constraints, and discrimination. These things are hereby banished from my life from this point forward. I call the shots on my life. I decide what to make of it. I live each experience as if I've never encountered it before because essentially I haven't. Everything feels fresh and alive to me. I am grateful for this journey. Are you holding on to anything from your past? You do know that you don't have to be defined by your past, right? Learn to let it all go because each moment reveals itself in a new way. Nothing ever happens exactly the same way twice.

What are you holding on to? Please share your self judgements below. Subscribe to comments to follow along with the discussion.

Putting My Mom and Molestation Behind Me for Good

The Past
Raise your hand if you were ever molested as a child... I know that not everyone is going to be able to relate to having this happen to them. I blame it all on being the product of a key latch houshold. My dad was whirled away in a storm of divorce and my mom had to work full time to take care of four kids. I don't blame either one of them for their absences. But the fact remains that due to their absences, my brothers and I were given freedoms that no child should be allowed to have.

The boy next door had his way with me whenever he got the chance. Mom's "boy toys" were always right there to take notice of how attractive I was becoming as my body matured. Dating back to about the age of 6 all the way to the age of 18, I was the victim of this type of disgusting, manish behavior from seemingly every guy I ran into and every guy my mom ran into. So, you think that's sad? Oh no. The sad part is that when I finally became brave enough to tell my mom about all of my shamefully explicit encounters, her direct reply to me was (no I'm not making this up and I quote)

"Mariah, you know stuff like that happened to me all the time when I was a little girl. Sometimes things like that just happen."

WOW! Really? That's what you say to your daughter when she's trying to open up to you? I realize that a parenting manual doesn't pop out with the afterbirth, but geez a little effort would have been niice. Or maybe, this is the way she truly felt. I have no idea what made her say it, but I was floored as you can imagine. Still, I managed to be respectful to her.

I went on about my daily life and soon I had my own child. I was willing to let things be until the madness was exposing itself to my very own baby boy. So I did what I suppose any sensible person would or should do in a case like this. I distanced myself from her. It was so hard at first because my mom raised me. I loved her and I had to keep telling myself that I wasn't visiting as much because it was for the best interest of my child. I mean seriously, would you leave your child in the hands of someone who thinks molestion is a normal part of growing up?

The Future
Extreme scenario 1: The cycle is repeating itself. I've felt sorry for her. She's missing out on the development of her grandchildren and I know this saddens her even if she won't directly admit it. I feel deep pity for her and take the kids over to her house to visit ocassionally. This makes me feel miserable because I can not forgive her nonchalant attitude about my childhood. She starts dating again and her deep desire to live the married life gets her into another bogus relationship. The kids (or I) am subjected to sexual predation. A fight ensues. Past emotions build in both of us. The kids are then exposed to hatred. Soon, stress mounts on both sides.

Extreme scenario 2: I haven't seen her for years. The kids are doing great in school. My oldest son doesn't really remember her. The younger two don't even know she exists. They aren't missing anything because they were never introduced to it in the first place. You can't miss what you never had, right? Actually, I take that back. They are missing out on the abuse, negativity, and thoughtlessness that may have manifested had they been allowed to be in her presence. They are healthy young boys with bright promising futures and deep connection with their own spirituality. Man, that even felt more soothing to write than Extreme Scenario 1.

The Present
Isn't it amazing how time travel works? Today, my kids are living without their grandmother. I have no plans to introduce them to her (or reintroduce). I feel that the things they are missing out on far outweigh the devastation that could become their reality. I don't feel apologetic because I know I've given it considerable thought. I surround myself with positive people and positive situations for a reason and I want the same things for my kids. Why shouldn't they be happy? I don't intend to introduce any poisons into their lives. If they want poison, they can find it for themselves when they are able to take care of themselves. For now, we're living stress-free and I'm living mom-free. I'm done trying to make it "work out".

How would you handle your mom if you were in this situation with her? Do you think I'm being too harsh? Why or why not? Share your thoughts below. Subscribe to comments to follow the discussion.

Deepak Chopra "The Way of the Wizard" (book)

The Way of the Wizard
Have you ever thought about yourself in the future? If you have, you're well on your way to spiritual freedom. This book explains how to go from feeling like gum stuck to the bottom of a millionaire's shoe to feeling like the air we breathe...untouchable.

What I've learned
Our true selves are not our bodies that we can see physically. We are instead energy that is ever changing and immortal. We exist outside of time constraints. Our physical world was manifested just for the experience of finding our true selves again. This explains why our deepest desires are meant to be fulfilled. Having our desires fulfilled means we are gradually weaned from the physical to our true spiritual essence of energy.

Why I recommend it to you
Most people live their lives miserably. They try to fill a void within themselves by buying new things, making new friends, or starting romantic relationships. But as you and I both know, new things eventually gather dust, friends eventually get bored, and romances get overwhelmed. So what happens when things don't go right? We freak out! We wonder what we did to deserve the crap end of the stick. If you read this book, you will understand that the key to your happiness in within you. It's been there all the time. You just have to be willing to have an open mind to see it for yourself.

Share your thoughts
I strongly encourage you to read this book. I found it at my public library, but it would make a great addition to your collection at home. I'm a geek so excuse me for assuming you collect books the way I do. I encourage you to bring your thoughts about this book here for discussion. Please share what you've learned and whether or not you thought it was a good fit for your own life.

Book discussion is open! Go grab "The Way of the Wizard" and meet me back here for discussion. Subscribe to comments to be informed of updates in this thread.