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Tuesday, February 01, 2011

The Secret Your Mom Hides From You

Learn to curve your misunderstandings gathered from childhood in order to feel your true worth.

There is beauty in your upbringing
As a mother, I can thankfully relate to my mom and everyone else’s. I can tell you that your mom meant you no harm, that is, if she truly meant you no harm. There are so many figures standing in a mother's path that it's hard to try to choose one for yourself much less choose one for you and maybe your siblings if you have any. Moms carry a lot of stress to be perfect and are expected by a very cruel society to know everything there is to know about raising a child, when in essence, she knows very little and is just trying to wing it. Think back to your own school years when everyday there was something new to learn. You started with number recognition and then moved on to addition, subtraction, multiplication, and then algebra equations. You had no idea what was to come. You had to learn on your feet and that's what moms have to do every single millisecond of every single day. Turns out, this can be quite tiring and frustrating not having any answers. But she pulled it off and at least for that, if not for anything thing else, you should be grateful. Your parents never had all of the answers and no parent ever will. The universe found a way to nurture you up to this point in your life through your parents. You made it. And for that too you should be grateful.

The fussing had NOTHING to do with you
If you lived in a household like mine, you were subject to here a lot of fussing and yelling. Sometimes it was because you wailed on your brother or sister. Sometimes it was because you wouldn't eat your dinner. Sometimes it was even for something so small as not wearing the right shirt with the right pants. Think back to hearing these yelling matches as a child? How did you feel? When your mom yelled at you for not knowing how to do a math problem, you probably felt like she was telling you that you were not smart enough to get it right. When she yelled at you for not cleaning your room without being asked, you probably felt like she was telling you that you are lazy and good for nothing. When she yelled at you for being loud, as most kids do, you probably felt like she was telling you that you get on her nerves and she wanted you to go away.

But look back again. Did your mom ever ACTUALLY say "Sally, you're not smart enough, you're good for nothing, and I want you to go away"? Did you hear those actual words? I doubt it. If you did, you need more help than I can give you in this article. But in a regular, everyday, stressed to the max household, you probably never heard your mom or dad say these things. Everything you felt like mom and dad meant were entirely in your head. They are your own preconceived notions of how you thought they felt about you based on the fact that you were a child and didn't yet realize that the yelling was simply stress-based.

You can change it in your head
Right now, you can take a small step in changing your attitude by realizing that most of your beliefs about yourself stem from a misunderstanding of childhood. Let go of those notions immediately. Know that you are whatever you make of yourself. Mom and Dad may have been stressed out to the point of yelling, but this had nothing to do with you. It was their own stress and your misunderstandings that make you think you cannot achieve what you set out to do. Don't hold on to those misunderstandings anymore. Accept them for what they were and move on with your life. Tell yourself you are worth everything you desire because you are. And recognize that your once ignorant self is gone. You are now an adult, capable of so much more than you were as a child. Start over from this point and let your determination lead the way rather than the words of your once frazzled parents.

What self limiting beliefs are you holding onto from your childhood? Is there anything  your mom or dad used to tell you that is making you think about yourself in a certain way? Please share your thoughts below and Subscribe to comments to follow along with this discussion.