It's very difficult to realize that I don't have all of the answers for my life. It's scary and confusing because what I think I want for myself is not true. Everytime I get to a point where I think I've figured something out, I learn something new about who I really am.
I am more than I appear to be.
I am not my past experiences. I am not my roles I play on Earth. I am not my emotions. I am not my physical body. I am so much more than these things. I am energy that lives outside the constraints of time. I am consciousness that gives life to all.
My mind is sabotaging my efforts to be great.
I realize that if I can not set aside my mind's point of view, I will never experience my greatness. That brings me back to my fears and the whole point of this journal. I FEEL like I will be judged for my mistakes here. I FEEL ashamed of not knowing my true self. I FEEL insecure about my future. The truth is, these feelings do not define me. I have nothing to be afraid of. I wanted to erase my previous posts and start over but I'm not going to do that. I'm going to push through this and move on, knowing that I have made a small growth transformation.
My physical body is not meant to be perfect.
So, in closing, I would like to say that my mind is always churning and my emotions are always fighting to be heard, but I will continue to put my fears aside and post what is really in my heart as I go. I will not get tangled up in the emotions that make me want to behave "perfectly" because I realize that there is no perfect. Perfect is some misunderstood childhood notion that I can choose to not be a part of.
There is no reason to feel apologetic.
Now, with that said, this journal will represent my true personal growth journey. On this journey, there will be no such thing as perfect, or fear, or right, or wrong, or good, or bad. Everything that happens will be in the present and therefore completely true. If I live in the present, there will be no reason to feel apologetic. My mind can not be trusted to define who I am as a supreme Being, but I can live for right now and trust that everything that is happening is true. My emotions will be the result of what is currently happening and therefore more reliable. By living in the present, I will not even give my emotions the opportunity to sabbotage my efforts.
