Pretty good at nothing. I was a runner. At best I was an alcoholic as a teenager. Remember how somethings just felt like the thing to do? I made up for what I lacked in self esteem with booze, sex, and an uncanny ability to make myself numb. Brown skin plagued me and led me to believe there was a certain way I should behave because of it. How I wished I could shed that skin. Excellent student though. Perfect grades in grade school and middle. Would you have given up so late in the game as I did? I only had one teeny tiny semester left in high school. I didn't make it. I felt way to watched and way too judged. It was way too much to bear. Oh well. I did get my GED. Do you think that counts? I did it for my son. He didn't care. He wasn't born. Nothing was for me. It was all for you and your judgements. Are you happy now? Will you ever be happy?
The Future
I manage to make my true self happy after all. My kids never care that I graduated. In fact, no one cares. No one can see my flaws. I feel flawless and invincible. I help everyone I am able to help. I float through life gracefully and effortlessly. I don't need anything I don't already have. I can feel my true power shining through my physical being. I know where I am and could care less about where I've been or where I'm going next.
The Present
My kids don't care about my choice to quit high school. In fact, I don't think anyone cares. And anyone who does care, does not deserve my attention. So what did I learn about quiting high school? I don't need any school to tell me how to live. I don't need school to be able to help others. And what did I learn about using alcohol? I don't need alcohol to solve my insecurity issues because there are none. How do I know? My future tells me so. My chosen path decides for me. I am a strong willed being who lives outside of society rules, labels, judgements, time constraints, and discrimination. These things are hereby banished from my life from this point forward. I call the shots on my life. I decide what to make of it. I live each experience as if I've never encountered it before because essentially I haven't. Everything feels fresh and alive to me. I am grateful for this journey. Are you holding on to anything from your past? You do know that you don't have to be defined by your past, right? Learn to let it all go because each moment reveals itself in a new way. Nothing ever happens exactly the same way twice.
What are you holding on to? Please share your self judgements below. Subscribe to comments to follow along with the discussion.
